Motherhood Is Where I'm Meant To Be

[Contributing Writer, Jessica Meza / @prunebellymommy]

I used to be the fun, wild and sassy single lady. But there comes a time when you have to put down the bottle of tequila, hang up the mini skirts and trade your heels in for some chucks. Life comes at you fast and growing up can be hard to do. One of the hardest challenges of all is being a parent and stepping into motherhood.

I became a mom overnight. My boyfriend and I moved in together two weeks after we started dating. He had custody of his 4 year old son and was seeking custody of his two daughters. A year later, they both moved in and I learned I was pregnant with a child who would have a life-threatening kidney disease. My whole world was turned upside-down. 

I still lie awake, a year and a half after my son was born, and wonder how I got myself into this. I used to go out to the local sports bar and have drinks with friends but now I’m giving baths and reading bedtime stories. I used to buy throw pillows at $50 a pop but now I scrounge around the house for odds and ends I can use to make Halloween costumes. My coffee dates and mani/pedi sessions have been replaced with doctors appointments and trips to the pharmacy. 

Is this real? I mean is this really my life? I wake up every morning thinking I’m going to fail. That today will be the day the world ends because I didn’t brush the kids’ hair before they got on the bus or I haven’t done laundry in 2 weeks so everything is getting the sniff check. I wait for it all to start crashing down but then I’m reminded of where I was last week, last month and last year. Motherhood makes you grow up. And boy have I grown. I’m still the same wild and sassy single lady deep down inside but now with supersonic hearing and the ability to see someone sneaking candy from behind a closed door. 

Every once in a while I need to tap into that single lady that I used to be so that I can truly appreciate where I am now and what I’ve been through. So that I can see the strength that comes from within. The strength that got me through growing pains with an instant family and is getting me through life with a special needs child. Being that single lady gave me so much freedom and was effortless but motherhood is my source of power. Motherhood is where I’m meant to be.